Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Random thoughts on a Wednesday night

Saturday we went to a chili cook off that Collin was in charge of. We have tried really hard to keep James home to avoid germs but since Collin was in charge of the event and James is over a month old we figured it would be our first outing. We had a good time and Collin did a GREAT job. I was excited to go to church the following morning. It would have been the first time since James was born but Delilah woke up sick (so much for avoiding germs). So all day Sunday we just lounged around watching movies and hanging out. Luckily after she threw up for the second time she seemed to feel much better.

On Monday I was planning on going mall walking with friends but decided to stay home just in case Delilah wasn’t all the way better. Monday ended up being a GREAT day. We woke up had breakfast, took a tub, and started laundry. James was in an amazing mood and loved laying on the floor and kicking or chilling in his swing. Delilah and I sat down together and watched a movie. I SAT with her the entire time, no checking emails , no distractions, her and I on the couch watching and giggling to despicable me.
I put her down for her nap and instead of climbing back into bed and taking a much needed nap I prepared different crafts to do when she woke up from her nap. She had asked for a picture of Jessie from Toy Story to color, so I printed one off. I took apart a pre-K work book and laminated the pages to put them in a book so she can practice her letters with a dry erase marker. I hung construction paper up on the walls to put stickers on. It was a very productive nap.
When she woke up we ate lunch and started all our projects we played with stickers, practiced our letters (which ended up her wanting to just watch me write them), colored pictures and played in her room. It was a good day with very few meltdowns and few time outs.
To end the night we had Family Home Evening about how we are children of our Heavenly Father. I even had a craft to go with it. I ended the day feeling like an AMAZING mom. I ROCKED my Monday!!
Tuesday, however, was a different story. Everything I tried to do with Delilah was a fight followed by a melt-down. James was super clingy and only wanted to be held so I had him in the sling when I tried to do crafts with her, but she would just rip them up. I tried to give her choices, she would choose something and when I gave it to her FREAK out because she decided she wanted the other choice. She didn’t want to take her nap, she didn’t want to color, she threw her bean game ALL OVER the room. The book I spent her nap making, yah she ripped pages out of it. One point when I was sitting down to nurse James she said “don’t feed brother” which is not a new thing, but this time she tried to pull my shirt down so I couldn’t feed him. By time Collin got home I was spent and told him I had to leave. I called my sister to chat with her trying to calm down and halfway through the phone call realized I was yelling about my day. (thanks for that, better aunt Anna than Delilah I guess) The entire day I kept thinking tomorrow we have a play date, I just need to make it to tomorrow. By the end of the day the house was trashed, the laundry I had started on Monday still needed to be folded and put away. I felt like the victory of Monday was shattered by the complete failure of Tuesday.

Enter Wednesday.

Delilah woke up and told me her tummy hurt and she wanted to get the barf out. I helped her to the bathroom where she spit in the toilet a few times but nothing happened. I thought maybe she was doing it to get attention like she got on Sunday when she puked but I didn’t know for sure. I put her in my room while I got some breakfast ready. I gave her a drink and a piece of bread. I asked if she wanted to go to play date and she said no that her tummy hurt. She seemed fine but kept saying her tummy hurt. I put a bucket by my bed just in case she did need to barf. I was in the kitchen and heard what no one wants to hear from your own bedroom. She puked all over my new comforter… awesome, I guess that means no play date.
I cleaned her and my bed up and we watched Despicable me again. After the movie she said “can we go to play date?” I broke that poor girls heart when I told her we couldn’t go because she was sick, to which she answered “Daddy come home and fix my sick, he take me to doctor.” You know because all she’s heard lately is Daddy’s arm is hurt he needs to go to the doctor to get it fixed, or mommy’s tummy is sick she needs to go to the doctor to get it fixed. The poor girl has asked to go to the doctor because that has been the only thing lately that has got us out of the house.
She seemed to feel much better and told me her tummy was all better. I put her to bed and James and I went to bed too. Then she woke up crying, never a good sign. She had had diarrhea all over her and her bed. Your heart breaks for the girl and your stomach sinks knowing that you and only you are about to clean up that mess. The rest of the day went about as normal as it could. We watched TV and played with a sticker book until Collin came home.

Basically I feel like this post is just to say motherhood is so freaking exhausting both physically and emotionally. I feel like I can either be a good mom or a good housekeeper I’ve yet to balance the two and just when I feel like I have balanced things and think I have it down I get a piece of humble pie. Wish me luck for tomorrow who knows what will happen.


Suz said...

Wow- I was reading your "monday" thinking I am such a slacker mom! I am impressed! And don't beat yourself about tuesday- honestly- some days are just survival mode (and if you're like me, with a newborn, EVERYDAY is survival mode!) It was a huge adjustment for me to go from 1-2, so give yourself time. There will be more good days! And in the meantime-sorry you had a sick little girl. That sucks. Goodness- motherhood is exhausting!!

Daniel said...

Hugs hugs hugs. You have days like Monday so you can remember that you love your kids and you're a good Mom on days like Tuesday when you may or may not want to chuck them out the window. You're an amazing person. Hang in there. And stop trying to do so much you'll just feel bad, make sure you take a lot of breaks and don't be too hard on yourself. I'm sorry it's been so rough. I'm sorry she's so sick. You might consider giving her a doll to nurse while you feed him. I know that's weird, you can give her a bottle if that's too creepy, but sometimes I can distract mine enough to be okay with it, other times they can tell I'm stuck in the chair and run away and get into all kinds of mischief. Sorry about the barf and poop. I sure hope you take a nap tomorrow :)
kisses to your babies. Welcome to Motherhood.

Daniel said...

and I freaking need to change my login.

Eve said...

I like Janay's idea of getting D a special toy for during nursing times. I suggest some Buzz paraphernalia. :)

And I love the laminated letters idea - totally going to steal that!

Anna said...

Ya. Motherhood is awesome.

Cindy said...

Sorry you've had such a rough week. You really are a great mom. And it is full of ups and downs, and things can get crazy so quickly sometimes. Hang in there, I hope D. gets feeling better soon. I too found the hardest adjustment was going from 1 to 2 kids, after that, not so different.
Hope you have a better day today :)

Andrea said...

Take heart in the fact that this mom to be is getting a great perspective right now. I think I would rather go to school than clean up all the bodily extremities you had to. Just know that I sit from afar with admirmation. Hang in there.

grandma blair said...

You are a good mom, and your kids love you lots and lots. Take heart, it will only get better, it might take a while, but it does get better. Love ya Lots and lots

heidi said...

You should call me when your days are not so great. I can help! I am so sorry. Days like that are no fun at all! I really hope the weekend and next week do better for you. Let me know if you need anything.

Mary Lou said...

You'll look back on days like that and just be glad they're over. You're awesome and remember day to day it doesn't seem like much but you're raising kids - the sweetest ones ever.